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annie375
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Name: Barbara Anne
Birthday: 5/5/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: interests... hmm.. lets see, i love to watch football, and basketball. and although i quit the dance team at my high school, i still like to watch it, same with gymnastics. i love listening to music, hanging out with my friends, talking on the phone/internet, cuttin' some hair!
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  annetk55
Member Since:
7/31/2005
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| well it's been about a month since i've written in this thing and tonight i've jus had so many emotions i don't think i can get rid of them ne other way...
y are things always complicated? y can't one thing in my life that makes me happy be simple? it seems as though i'm always saying the wrong thing and fucking things up... i love him so much and as if the distance thing weren't hard enough already....i have to go and make things even worse... or so it feels... i want only good things for him, and i jus want him to be happy, and he twists my words into something they aren't... and then he jus ends up getting mad, and i end up crying... he knows exactly what to say at the right times, he knows how to push my buttons, and i am the one who always ends it with an apology... y do i always have to make things right?
i'm tried of crying...i'm sick of missing him...i hate the distance...i only want to be with him all the time,,but i can't, and every morning it feels like i live the same day over and over and over, like i'm stuck in this horrible rut, but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's jus so damn far away...sometimes for this split second i wish i didn't love him like it would somehow make the hurt go away, but then again i know that i'd be even more unhappy with out that tiny little peice of him, that i feel like i can call my own, that tiny piece of my heart that still makes me smile, and my heart race, and that still makes me feel like i have an addiction.... he is addicting, and even though all of my friends say i shouldn't i fall right back into his arms... well sometimes his arms at least...other times his screenname...
he's made me change myself... the old me would never have stayed around for so long, never apologized for something that wasn't my fault...he makes me a different person when i'm around him, and i like that new me... and is that so wrong? and i think that i am the one to apologize first b/c i'm so scared of loosing that... and then where would i be? i'd be lost... | | |
| i need to find a new job.... seriously... | | |
| i am so freaking sick and tired of everything. i'm sick of my job, my boss mainly i guess. he's soo freaking stupid he's like riding my ass constantly about the stupidest shit... you're using too much shampoo, you put too many towels in the washer, you only took 12 minutes on that guys hair when you need to take 15.... blah blah blah.... it never stops!!! i'm tired of stressing about my relationship with matt... don't get me wrong i love him to death and i love what we have together, it's jus that i'm always stressing about what he's thinking and who he's with, and what girls are hitting on him.. and i jus wish that i didn't have to worry about it.... i'm sick of being sick... i hate going to the doctor, and hate waking up and not being able to breath. i don't know about you, but i sorta like breathing, and MRI's, to put it simply, blow big ones. i jus wish i could get a break and jus be happy, healthy and stress-free... i jus wish it would all go away i wish that i could have him around to reassure me that everything is okay. that's all i really need, jus some love and attention and some FREAKING reassurance!!! is that really so much to ask? i don't think it is.. hey even if it's not going to be okay, lie to me and tell me that it is.. for the love of pete!!!!!! i jus wonder if it is ever going to stop... not to mention i'm a little "frustrated" and i know that sounds really terrible and slutty, but seriously all i really need i think is jus one awesome lay and i'd be alright... i'm not going to lie, i haven't really had jus some awesome mind-blowing sex and i think that would jus calm me down. i really can't believe i'm talking about this, i don't really talk about this with ne one. but writting things helps me so much more than talking about them i think. which i think a lot of people are like that.... but maybe it's jus that i needed to get everything out on the table and go through stuff in my head and on my own. EUREKA!! lol well that's it for now.... | | |
| i'm so glad that it's thanksgiving break... it's not a very long break but long enough... i get thursday, friday, and saturday off of work, i'll be in fort wayne on wednesday evening and thursday day, but no worries everyone, i'll be back on thursday!!  i'm so excited that everyone is in town, tanner d, ozzy, kristine, and most imporantly, matt is home, so that's makes it all better!
kristine has been gone for so long, she was one of the first ones to leave. and for me the hardest to let go of. it's like someone taking your sister from you... i'm not gonna lie, it was some hard shit to deal with.
tanner and ozz, of corse the party boys of the year. you don't have a party unless those two are there! that's for damn sure.
and last but not least... matt is in town... which brings a smile to my face everytime i think about it... enough said...
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| is it bad to know exactly what you want? is it overly-confident of me to say that i know what i want the rest of my life to be like? i'm not saying that's how it will be. but it's how i want it to be...
i want...
to go out with my friends and party the night away without caring what tomorrow is or just stay in all night a laugh about nothing for hours go to dinner with high school friends and talk about all of the "remember that one time we..." be the person they can call at the wee hours in the morning for a DD be the person that they come knocking on my door when something has gone wrong
finally do something right in my fathers eyes gain confidence with who i am repay my grandma for everything have my heart completly broken learn how to not sabotoge myself
a husband to love me for all of my goofiness to dance in the rain to take care of me when i'm sick go to church with me on sundays but still party on saturdays, of course! getting excited about coming home just to see him knowing he is completly tangled up in me fight just so we can make up be so crazy that we will make love newhere
i want a house with a wrap-around porch out in the podunks of a small town horses dogs kids... the whole kit and cabootle be that cool mom that her kids can talk to her about nething and be the even cooler grandma
to be happy in a job that i love and of course making some good money age gracefully with a life of happiness and love.....
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